My Nerdy Daddio
I have come to believe that part of a person’s nerdiness is inherited. When I am in large groups of people I have the constant desire to retreat to a computer where I know I reign supreme. That whole awkwardness around people would definitely come from my father. When people meet my dad for the first time, they are usually taken aback by the odd things he says, or by the way he acts. He isn’t very good with meeting new people, and I think a little of it is from being shy. I think the other half of his awkwardness is spawned from the fear of people different from himself. Most my friends don’t really understand him. My girlfriend was upset when he didn’t warm up to her. I tried to explain to her that it really isn’t her fault. I’ve lived with the man for 18 years and I’m still can’t get him to warm up to me.
Today though, I think I got an insight. Earlier he wanted to talk to me – not to lecture me on anything, but to just have someone listen to him. When he tries to vent to mom, she reacts to it very easily and immediate tells him what he should do. He didn’t want advice, he simply wanted to vent. I kept quite while he told me of a few things that were bothering him. Mainly a really immature jerk is hell bent to sue the board of trustees of a condo complex. My dad owns condos in that particular complex. My dad is also one of three members of the board under the legal attack.
So after he told me what was going on, I could tell it helped lift some weight off his shoulders. I think he bottles a lot of crap inside and doesn’t know what to do with it. Another slight problem I inherited. Then when he needed to go grocery shopping for my upcoming graduation party, I could tell he didn’t want to go alone. I had never really seen him lonely and wanting someone to talk to. We went together, and while we didn’t really talk about much, we kept each other company.
Tonight my youngest brother Gableo invited some of his friends over to hang out. The three of them quickly started up a game of basketball in the driveway. Suddenly, one of Gableo’s friends rushed back into the living room and told us that dad started instructing them how to shoot better hoops. I think Dad was honestly trying to get in on their game, but couldn’t think of any other way to do it than instruct them. Gableo’s friend actually plays on a basketball team, so the last thing he wanted was to be coached. So when they all came back in the house and left dad out in the driveway, Gableo mentioned to mom why they were back in. Mom shook her head and yelled out the door to Dad that he had a phone call.
When he came back in, he was holding the b-ball all sidetracked and excited that he was going to play with the kids. Then mom told him aside to let up, since Gableo’s friends didn’t come over for a lecture. I could see Dad’s face literally sink. I honestly think he was just trying to hang out with Gableo and try to “get in” with his friends. When mom told him to ease up, he took it to heart and went out to the garage to clean up in solitude. Yet another genetic trait we share. I felt really bad for Dad. I think he sincerely tries to be a part of our lives at times, but just doesn’t know how to do it. He’s been the Dad for so long that he has forgotten how to be the friend as well. Sometimes I wish I could have met my dad when he was more my age. Maybe he wouldn’t be so serious and feel the need to prove himself. I think we would all gladly hang out with him, but we’ve got to teach him how to interact. It isn’t important for him to be the best at everything. It’s only important to us that he actually has fun and enjoys the company.
Today though, I think I got an insight. Earlier he wanted to talk to me – not to lecture me on anything, but to just have someone listen to him. When he tries to vent to mom, she reacts to it very easily and immediate tells him what he should do. He didn’t want advice, he simply wanted to vent. I kept quite while he told me of a few things that were bothering him. Mainly a really immature jerk is hell bent to sue the board of trustees of a condo complex. My dad owns condos in that particular complex. My dad is also one of three members of the board under the legal attack.
So after he told me what was going on, I could tell it helped lift some weight off his shoulders. I think he bottles a lot of crap inside and doesn’t know what to do with it. Another slight problem I inherited. Then when he needed to go grocery shopping for my upcoming graduation party, I could tell he didn’t want to go alone. I had never really seen him lonely and wanting someone to talk to. We went together, and while we didn’t really talk about much, we kept each other company.
Tonight my youngest brother Gableo invited some of his friends over to hang out. The three of them quickly started up a game of basketball in the driveway. Suddenly, one of Gableo’s friends rushed back into the living room and told us that dad started instructing them how to shoot better hoops. I think Dad was honestly trying to get in on their game, but couldn’t think of any other way to do it than instruct them. Gableo’s friend actually plays on a basketball team, so the last thing he wanted was to be coached. So when they all came back in the house and left dad out in the driveway, Gableo mentioned to mom why they were back in. Mom shook her head and yelled out the door to Dad that he had a phone call.
When he came back in, he was holding the b-ball all sidetracked and excited that he was going to play with the kids. Then mom told him aside to let up, since Gableo’s friends didn’t come over for a lecture. I could see Dad’s face literally sink. I honestly think he was just trying to hang out with Gableo and try to “get in” with his friends. When mom told him to ease up, he took it to heart and went out to the garage to clean up in solitude. Yet another genetic trait we share. I felt really bad for Dad. I think he sincerely tries to be a part of our lives at times, but just doesn’t know how to do it. He’s been the Dad for so long that he has forgotten how to be the friend as well. Sometimes I wish I could have met my dad when he was more my age. Maybe he wouldn’t be so serious and feel the need to prove himself. I think we would all gladly hang out with him, but we’ve got to teach him how to interact. It isn’t important for him to be the best at everything. It’s only important to us that he actually has fun and enjoys the company.
Comments
It's good that your father has someone who is genuinely trying to understand him.
Congrats on graduating!
As you get older, from my experience,the lectures lessen and begin to become more like chats between friends. My dad and I are good friends and very much alike. When people say, "You look just like your dad." or "You sound just like your dad." or even "You just reminded me of your dad when you did that." it used to bother me.
I did not figure out what you just alluded to in your post about your dad just wanting to be there as a friend as well as father until about 3 years ago.
If you approach it as a friendship also, it will be one of the best relationships you can have. You can both help each other by being there, because he is trying to understand you too.
However, part of me still thinks Mom can solve any problem, and Dad can fix any machine. I still turn to them for advice on almost everything, while most of me listens to the advice, part of me still wants to be rebellious. That whole duality thing I've written about, I guess.
"Honor thy Father and Mother" the Good Book says. What better way to honor them than to understand them and not be afraid to become just as good as they are?
Larry: Welcome to Nerdland! I will be in rolla for the next few days and then I'm up to Kansas City. Everyone says I'm just like my dad too. My girlfriend even mixed up our senior yearbook pictures...
Lab boy: I think every parent wants to see thier kids grow up like them, but with improvements. Kinda like the new and improved version. I think your parents help breed the good parts. The traits we don't agree with we have to actively change ourselves. Like trying to make myself be social (even if my dad isn't).
It's a hard day - at least in some ways it was for me - when we start to realize that our parents aren't above being human. For me, it was scary how long it really took.
For all of that, though, I totally respect my folks. I wouldn't trade them for the world. That's not to say that after a week with my mom, I wasn't gritting my teeth at her every word, however.
I'm just sayin'. ;)