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Millions Walking Around

I just found out that if I were to sell myself, I would have a pretty hefty price tag around my neck.

I am worth $2,173,082.00 on HumanForSale.com

Hmmm. What would a buyer use me for? Dishwasher? Area Rug? Amputation and Spare parts? Insanely life-like sex toy? I feel so used.
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Anonymous said…
I've heard you can be a maintenance hassle. What warranty do you offer? Is there a risk-free trial and money-back guarantee?
11:43 PM
Robert said…
Hmmm. That's a good point. I guess the warranty would depend largely on the application. If I broke it down:

Dishwasher: risk-free trial, money back guarantee
Area Rug: No warranty
Spare Parts: No warranty
Sex Toy: money-back guarantee. (You can't really send back a used sex toy now can you?)
6:03 AM
Nick said…
What accessories do you come with? That's a large sum to pay for a stripped-down model. Although a stripped-down model would probably make more as a sex toy than dishwasher.

I hear there are some places on the east-side that allow returns on used sex toys.
7:16 PM
Robert said…
Hey now, who you callin' stipped down? I've got tons of features. :-) Unfortunately, I'm a one of a kind accessory and I've already been bought. J claims me, and has been a satisfied customer for 2 years. You'd have to negotiate with her for purchases.

Second, are you serious?? Who in thier right mind would buy a second hand sex toy? That's disgusting! You don't know where that has been!!
9:31 PM
Jess said…
Oh, R. Of course you know where it's been. It's been in someone's....nevermind....
9:56 PM
Robert said…
ewwwwww....
9:57 PM
Natty said…
People go to school in Missouri? You seem like a humorous guy, I am glad you comment on my posts. Esp. since my friends are lame, and dont, but then pretend to know stuff about me that they read.
2:14 PM
Robert said…
Hell yes people go to school in Missouri. Some of them anyway. My freshman high school class was 800, and when I graduated it was 450. I went from top 5% to top 10% just from the dropout rate.

UMR does have its quirks. I don't think I would fit in somewhere else. Here I can speak geek without needing a translator...
6:13 AM
Anonymous said…
you know, I had a roomate one time that got a dildo from his old roomate. When I expressed to him that it was ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING to use others' toys, he said "but it's ok if you boil it first!"

Yuck.
2:58 PM
Robert said…
Wow. That's probably the most vomitous thing I've heard today. I really hope he didn't use it on someone besides himself. How can you explain that?

Said to his partner: "Hey, by the way, I found this in the garbage...but I boiled it before I used it on you -- so it's okay."
1:43 PM
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